did you see that person in the bushes did you read at the Conchita lunches did you stab the spartan and kill the wild beast made the cut we ran on for hours there was a fire in our lungs a piece of Yeats and the photos of your mother that you didn't burn with the others staring down at the little girl dances I touch with all the magic of a shaman I speak to your inner beauty I listen to the turtle repeat the words from that song by Huey Lewis and the news I pull out my bag of judgement and roll a joint your torn black grave corpuscle madness as we dig into the morning of void I wired you up to the bomb taught you all the prayers made sure that you knew how to bleed your sister was winking at me on Delancy street I had a tall bucket of well wishers sloshing out the sides I could forgive you if only I could find you I know you had a vision of what life should be like and we never got close to it until now you are sweeping the floor and I am stacking the oranges you were a naked barbie doll missing an arm with lipstick stains on your ass I pulled the gum out of your hair as best as I could cheap junk for the need everybody has a need

19.10

19.10

Bleary eyed and stumbling over something I remember one time I stumbled over harpo and jane on the floor together jane was embarrassed and harpo was laughing I saw jane sink her claws into harpo’s skin she told him not to move I was just getting a beer out of the fridge I was up late studying I probably had a test the next day in some class it is all meaningless now except for the memory of jane and harpo on the floor together just thinking about it makes me laugh we pretend that the darkness has an ending we curse the sheep as they betray us this brings me so much sadness I am sad beyond measure I am sad beyond countenance I am sad beyond ten fingers and ten toes a rodent face staring back at me invoking the moth and the flame my habits and vices you are living in the past I try to pull you out but it is impossible you said it was nice to burn things with your magnifying glass with jumbled up letters of delicious cake for your brain you say yes swallowed alive by the cake it looked like a test of wills you drape the towel over your shoulders and hold the light up high eating fried catfish each day you stick yourself with needles feeding your need under your skin catnip the deception you said I would like it I bought the tickets for the show those old romantic roles priming the pump with Jack Daniels devastated powerless in a trance I could see right through my hands I am vanishing fast I can’t open my mouth mesmerized by the unreal you are watching me go to pieces your words I won’t let you in my ears you look so much younger you changed your hairstyle I shut my eyes and I can still see you the static noise and the yellowish unnatural glow it seeps inside of me little by little making me its own I am being absorbed by this glow I stare at it and it stares back at me advancing slowly I step backwards as it moves towards me it feels like I breaking up into tiny little light particles and they are slowly being pulled by the glow like a magnetic force you have stayed on inside my head longer than you should have I can’t sleep so I get up and have a beer there is a glow coming

19.9

19.9

A strange incident that leaves the protagonist disoriented you were shrinking getting smaller eventually you were small enough to put you in my pocket We would go to the movies you would sit on my shoulder and watch the movie I went to the store to buy you a doll bed to sleep on and doll clothes to wear you used to crawl under the electric fence you were so brave so courageous when the whole town stood and saluted you I tried my best not to cry I thought I would never see you again the games were something we never thought of I would punch it back to farthest point in my mind I tried to forget you sold strawberries at the market I remember my mother would buy all you had and then she would make me a pie with the berries I think that is why I associated you with sweetness because of the berries I remember when you started to ripen it made me extremely excited just to look at you I was afraid to look at you directly in your eyes so I would have to sneak peeks at you I remember your mother used to make fertility dolls and sell them at the market someone far off is yank at the ends of my rope tugging hard at me pulling me along I have always had this sense that the decisions that I make are not my own that someone else is making my decisions for me don’t try to see yourself in this because I don’t think you are here probing needles into the far reaches of my brain the appointed time of gloom and foreboding a shadow that whispers into my ear and says sweet peppers as if everything has been mechanically calibrated you said the door was looked I was lying on the couch my shoes and socks were on the floor you said that everything just seemed odd and different than before I am reading a new book I just got it from the university library I had one of the librarians help me find it tonya how are your strawberries are they as sweet and juicy as I remember can I put one in my mouth again see my mouth is wide open and your peaches my god your peaches

19.8

19.8

There is an open mouth laying open there are monsters in the fields I am looking for a puzzle to solve a whimsy to give away I will write and give it away I don’t care if you publish this you probably have better things to focus on we really don’t know each other we have not established some reciprocal relationship I’m probably not going to submit this piece anyway the things that you need seemed too much too harsh too stringent I think the tone of the words put me off more than the meaning of the words we are beyond merely reading the surface meanings of words Isn’t more what we don’t say than what we say there is so much I haven’t said yet sometimes I wonder about the time that is left probably no one will read this anyway since I’m not going to tag anyone it will just sit there in cyberspace alone without purpose just like the rest of us the bulk of the meaning is submerged the similar are nebulous the gimmick at the expense of the human element a soft landing with a pack of Marlboros in my pocket a prelude to romance you wanted to keep your distance fearful of the copycat culture yearning for some true insight ah this thing you call insight is a fickle bitch no she hides from you and then gives you clues to where you can find her but you are always one step behind you can hear her laughter echoing through the thin walls insight is teasing you and you keep fighting the good fight and claiming to be low-tech I dislike you more and more I am reading 17 puzzling stories each one is about you 17 different ways for you to die played out in my mind across my retinas your search for meaning takes you to a blank wall and at the wall you are shot or stabbed or strangled or poisoned it always happens at the blank wall counting your words retracing your steps the chalk line around your body blood stains bodily fluids a spilled purse men in coveralls cleaning the sidewalk the street the park the living room the church steps the city hall the interrogation room the detectives are writing down the details of your long distance love affair the name of all your lovers where you bought your underwear

I am creating an arbitrary choice the physical properties of cause and effect I started to wonder at that point a proposition a rock so large that I can't lift it going back in time and killing myself everything within my environment every chunk of matter having it calculate the future my machine god fluctuations the result of the interaction of material telling what I will pick a little demonstration likes to curse as I go to bed just finished off a case of crazy the meds make me a little light headed my dirty little rich girl driving her vette into the lake wearing my sex bracelet an epidemic of fisting Dr. Phil antinatalist black metal trying to impress the steam punk girls it was a double impact wrench tightening down

I asked her about some sublimatic fun. She was a goth that was in college, worried about her fingernail polish and other shit like that. She was writing a book about death. In fact, she was infatuated with the topic of death. She studied death, read about death, she visited morgues and cemeteries all the time. She considered death to be the thing that brings balance into the world. She said that death brings harmony. When things get all fucked up and all out of whack, death comes along and straightens things out. It serves a purpose in society, sort of a balancing agent. We naively think of death as being bad, when in actuality death is good. It removes us from the realm of pain and suffering. It sends us back to the realm of the spirit. It is like a free ticket out of lost town. We get on the bus and away we go to another place where things are more clearer. We get joined back with the big universal spirit and we become a part of this big thing, something that is beyond us. We all long to be apart of something that is bigger than ourselves. I think this is just our spirit longing to rejoined with the big spirit. She wearing stripy tights and dark delights. Her love is always gift wrapped and ready for a party. She makes me feel her darkness, a darkness that is deep inside of her. I let my fingers fly over her, like little birds fluttering. I am pecking at her with my beak. She wants to speak, but I have silenced her with a ball gag. I step over her frozen heart and work life and fire into her muscle. I watch it pumping in and out with new life. This is the subjective something that overwhelms our lives. At least we are overwhelmed by our interpretations for a moment. Our movements become a subjective dance. I have given her a vibration that can reach her numbness. I am diverting her attention from the razor blade. When I am done she is in metamorphosis, changing into the nothing. Her will to become the nothing is what makes her perverse. I love her perversity. She is a conquest in the superficial. I participate in her emotional explosions. We are working in Sodom. I am making the unwatchable and she is selling tickets. We spend most days sitting around and talking. We never have any customers. I remember when their used to tourists. It would be nice to have tourists again. Tourists don't care about fascism or fulfilling dreams. They just want to live for the moment, to be entertained, to escape for a little while. Bonnie is good at helping me escape. She unzips me and pulls me out. She strokes me ever so gently. I laugh and tell her that it won't break. She says you would be surprised what I can do with this thing and then she shows me. I was surprised.

I was all over her. Just like all the others before her. I'm tearing down the walls of my jail cell. The warden is swimming in deep waters. I'm mixing voodoo with Betty rooter choker checker  doing the twist and selling plastic dimes to the honkies. I've been in a car before. Making bangers and harsh and stuffing them with freddie mercury hohos and twinkies. I'm gonna need a lawyer, guns,and money before I can get out of this. I'm saying my prayers and crossing my fingers to the sweet baby jesus cause my momma didn't make no bugger with mosquito spray id bracelets. I'm building that new invention, the one with flashing lights and nuclear capabilities. We are going to roll this mother fucker along. I am talking to my cock. We are talking about politics. For some reason, my cock is very interested in politics. My cock will go on and on about what the latest politician is trying to do to the country. Basically, my cock thinks all politicians are dicks. I guess it is that it takes one to know one scenario. My cock thinks that everyone should be involved in politics, not just dicks. My dick thinks that serving in a political office should be mandatory for everyone just like jury duty. People should have to serve a year or two as the mayor, or as a city council person, or as a state senator or in congress. There would be no need to have elections and there would be no need for people to campaign. This would just be part of your community service for being a member of society. My cock always has big ideas.

An army of orange aliens are surrounding me. They are bigger than I remember them. It is like they have taken steroids and pumped lots of iron. I'm running from the sisterhood. They want my balls to sell the echo maker. I'm speaking to am elf and he is making me a weapon. He is filling it with dreams and albino skin amulets. Time is rushing by me and I am collecting all the lost seconds. All those moments that got away from you. I know that you have lost so many and now they are so precious to you. They are more precious than all those ghosts, even the ones that talk to you. I'm talking to you god damn it, listen to me. We take only what we need. Just enough to make you bleed.

She walks in carrying a bag of bullets. I'm throwing playing cards against the wall. The cards have naked ladies on them from the 1950s. It is just another fuzzy apparition with sunglasses telling me about the new constitution. My heart is so full of love. Redirect the traffic so it goes by my hotel room. Circle the wagons and flag down that helicopter. Tell them the general is staying here.  Tell them the general is ready to go. Blow your nose and shake all those hands, it is time to go. I'm drawing a mandala on the bathroom floor. I'm raising up the devil again. The devil looks like Elvis with a don ho tan. We are taking more than we need. There are only so many souls to steal. I wonder when god will discover our dirty deeds? I'm another inspector for the government. I'm inspecting the fish and checking the beef. My hands are dirty from burying all those dead bodies. The ones that the general needs. I am becoming a monster. A green headed monster. I got my hand up Jesus' ass and I'm making him talk just like a puppet. 

the wall outside says life is beautiful I'm watching you absorb the sun I'm your summer shadow your tricky walk and empty pockets I look up at your ceiling a human auction someone is sticking their head out 72 virgins in heaven it was side trip you don't want to know the truth it escapes you running down the street you are frightened thinking it will never come back alone forever just you and your thoughts trapped inside you never getting out you want to run but you can't you stand there in the darkness alone totally alone wanting to be more than you are is this possible to break free to become someone else 5 dollars a pound Orwellian fedora turns me old and fallen I drop and roll a bygone days of remembering I know how to work it your boyfriend was curious I think I made him afraid I'm not here to steal your body I already have that I want your soul a commercial with a little dark haired girl  I think it was an infomercial about the emotional thunderstorms god does love her look and see the magic that surrounds her more self-center apathy we buy in gallons and throw a great big party for all our narcissists a good drug a plastic man with a handful of push and pull

the big pink nasty the dead kids on myspace he goes twang holding his sign up and shouting home run all those years of tv dinners and police roadblocks Mr. Crowley likes to fist the pussy and spank the asses of two girls at a time back by popular demand an austrian professor sits on his face and draws pictures of naked men that she then hangs on museum walls  she is teaching her students how to dominate he is a pure miracle when it comes to the professor the weak in the knees kind of feeling eating the dark side he loves her homemade cookies the fake bullshit of purpose the professor is manufacturing a plan in her head it is a devilish plan with painted toenails  princess donna rope bondage Mr. Crowley shows off his entire cruelty forced to love the device jesus hanging from the cross she is shaved bald the wheels are turning

Mr. Crowley says life is boring as he starts a crack habit the night flexes it's muscles and Mr. Crowley sees into the future he making plans to do something erotic with a lady possibly jane is he can fins her she has been hiding from everyone for days the need to vent to release to undo the knots tied around his heart with sex magick hard to beat the addictive pull on his life he has learned to abusive to himself and to others to need to see the blood he has learned to twist everything that is civilized looking for others to follow him to twist this whole thing up twisted fuckers he doesn't care anymore all of the pain and abuse has made Mr. Crowley hard no one can get in he has hardened his heart against the world it is about the deception of top predators how they strangle the weak from from their mother's tits the loss hurts in places he has never know before on a dark road in the country smoking his last smoke thinking of the stars that have died living in the moment feeling the blisters on his toes he picks up a rock and throws it into the darkness and he hears nothing in return he thinks about the death of a woman from a long time ago when death seemed so young and vital now death seems old and cliche like a Rockefeller or a Nixon the true fear of change Mr Crowley has seen his share of change Mr. Crowley is holding up the world

in the corner of my eye my rifle scaring people high hopes selling crack cocaine on the street corner its all scrap too fucking long I can't wait till spring down to ground zero ridiculous roman arches a collapsing santa callus something new from wallmart a bell ringer plugging it in watching the timer the doomsday clock not knowing what to do trading options still trying to figure it out a guy in LA a funny guy choking on it took two times burrito selling cars smuggling drugs his wife was cheating on him with me total collapse a hair transplant on the credit card trading baseball cards watching the news lost everything jump start in the street twenty bucks for my peanuts I never fell that fucking far tilting head meat grinder grinding the stones I can't focus I can't remember your face anymore the final analysis the size of the customer rock and roll making a living not being able to survive you can see that thing doctor lawyer indian chief if I don't make the rocks then they don't get made a washer and a dryer an okie changing my clothes after lunch how can I live like this I don't know

she said reach to the stars big foot blood falling down she said shit snare drum rim click the tanks are rolling backwards delicious and piping hot freedom she was the one who cried and she will buy the world thosw long black boots she says hipster doochebag assembly line politics a dogcatcher the face of the clown as she clutches a pillow coney island she worked so hard on her delivery limbo dancing knife set buying she leans on the wall as the cars race down the street vibrating doll she cries for humanity as she walks down the dimly lit bridge they filled him with bullets atrocity tale she is making a social movement wolfman silent night  the lack of specificity fuck you the cannibals are practicing their newly required manners their mothers would be fucking proud trident cartoon holly shit be honest

he is not a man of violence both so different a thrill of a lifetime he was into baseball a scar down the nose its in my pocket the capture and the bother with her big brown beaver it had a hell of an eye ever floating live grooving in the tank of Vaseline she is sure she is in the right place jane with her funky little addiction lester is chasing the monkey I am pulling out my horns from my green bag they are long and sharp and hard like a little boy's dreams of woman stumbling like Beelzebub hooves and sprouts like the jolly green giant octopus lester the child molester is washing dishes at the local perkins and selling weed to undercover female narcotics officers he is going away for a long time this time longer than the navy with his dog tags and flea dip suicide reading about it in the usa today Diogenes please pray for me the roars of the wicked lester is watching tv he is trying to change his mind you better step lively ask him nicely to go away lester is watching all star wrestling and he is jumping up and down he is shouting john 3:16 ignorant masses lester is watching miss America eat some lobster and biscuits and beans watching her wipe her mouth on the table cloth miss america is smiling for lester she is smiling for pepsi cola and wall street diet pills lester is helpless because he can't control the game this is the time for lies a time for television and fake suntans lester is not sure that he is still a man every nook and cranny of this town she is so satellite with the big fucking beef illuminate the night getting it when she wants it and she wants it real bad she is wearing a tiger suit just for lester he wants her real bad she is playing her bass guitar power to the people backbencher apologies  lester is a fruit fly buzzing around her cream a little bit of power its from tradition or charisma pussy shit

it will end in misery a dangerous obsession millions of pieces of glass a brick and whatever life is suffering a perfect excuse to cure your sickness we will go under looking good while we do it the neighbors looking through our windows

she wanted to be a weaver she woke up there is a big eyed woman staring at me her lips are on the flag applying pressure a new age cult leader one true lemming commingle a toe hold blue barrels in the sun shine mean old man things falling down dancing around a cactus wild flowers snake charmer how long will it last the wind is picking up corn tassels on the end of my sword I think it might be a true northeastern a new element damn your low flying clouds

red sky morning an incredible object my pants are falling down an herbal tea plastic bracelets close your eyes its interesting its beautiful dark inside everything is falling a part its not uncle sam a cold calling handyman chain change did I meet you from the coffee shop are you from new york cold calling asking about the night sending them to the website showing you a blue barrel it is leaning the bucket is going to fall over keep working it antique human scalp the picture of your daughter she is on the phone talking backwards I am one of her suggestions she is revolving buying ice cream playing in the dirt throwing away the dead flowers we are out the door I have on my tiger hat stepping on a nail living at the shelter fucking another nightmare they are telling to stop swearing threatening with beans and biscuits smoking the rope there are five heads in the bucket drinking tequila nothing left to do but shoot your husband