All I do is sit alone in my house and feel really bad and pray. Who I’m praying to, I don’t know. I just pray. Maybe I’m praying to myself or to the universe or to some great big nothing. It just gets my mind off the pain and loneliness of my existence. I know, it all sounds a little pathetic, and maybe I’m just being a big pussy about this, but, damn-it I am a human being and I hurt just like everyone else. A side effect of the loneliness is that I get drunk and call everyone I know. I’m slobbering drunk and call up all my friends from high school. Most of my friends moved away a long time ago when the meat pack closed and the tractor factory started laying people off. Those were some hard times back then. This old town was fast becoming a ghost town back then. Of course things have changed since then, they always do, and the economy is a rollercoaster that goes up and down and up and down, over and over again. 

I am aware of how this might sound to you. But, it has been a very effective practice. I think maybe I should create a seminar and travel the circuit teaching guys my methods. I think it would be a benefit to society as a whole. Helping people is important to me, I think we should live our life following Jesus’ example, you know, help people where ever you go, spreading love and good will. I’m like the Buddha of love. My goal is to help people make connections. Everyone is long to make some intimate human contact another human being. There are too many lonely people out there looking for a friend. I want to be your friend. Can I be your friend?

You find that you will do absolutely anything or say anything to convince others that you are not the person that they say you are. Still you are hurt and bleeding feeling alone and vulnerable. There is no margin for safety. You ask yourself is this it? Is this all there is for my life? I had made so many plans and time just whisked by me. Will this be the end? How will I be able to recover from this? My strength and determination are not what they used to be. There is no beauty for the generic human soul, no bond with this sickness of humanity. You become a beautifully tormented person reaching for the sides of the abyss. Your life has become like a reality show. A battle engaged completely within you by your own rules and capacities. All other things have fallen away; they have become nothing to you now. Your awareness of self becomes sharpened and intensified into a single sharp point, focused and extreme. You cannot fix yourself in the looking glass. No, you are harrowed and sad, a distressed soul in the night of darkness. The details of the darkness overwhelm you like a young rebel who is coopted into the establishment at an older age. Your former sense of self is gone. You have disappeared in the mists of oblivion. You are driving down a long dark road and have become quiet at the wheel. The darkness is your only means of establishing some kind of meaningful connection in life. This basic human need is subverted by the exultant sensation of Godlike control.

From farfar to the dull witch
you don't feel the steel
a fifth of whiskey
born and breed
thy rod and thy staff
phallic destiny
up and down the hills
bleating
wool and blood
bones for the wolves
a pack of
Winstons and valentines
 no need to dream
no speak
a hard bottle to blog
sit next to me
show me your sunshine
my subprime loan

Kaiser Blade

she said kick it
sun dried tears
a jar of moonshine
starting up like a bastard
again and again

she searched for the bullets
enough and enough
dragging her by her hair
this love

drink the simple rage
in vehement
sweet cries to jesus
we all climb down
from the cross

the devil
no details
no understanding
held up by faith
visceral parting

blue, black, bondage
for worse
cloudy days
waiting grasp
never die

April 2013

tulsa ok

winking neon
altavista liberal
military sad
sacred sopranos
swinging style
patriot shits
buffy vibrato
echoes of despair
snake suit
reptile boy
time disapears

sacred documents
farm house radio
syndicate universe
empty plains
tumble weeds
fullmoon brush
midnite dynamite
communications
blank substance
bloops

blinking teeth
over the horizon
voice over feral
weigh station trucks
rolling and stopping
buffalo bones
human beings
head bent, subdivisions
blue grass dreams
hopi highways
the lady tiptoes
uncle dead
rocky moon
tree trunks
steps on the dusty trail

stock yards
oil wells
police chasing corvettes
down the interstate highway fire
learning to forgive
marketing the fear
two matching cougars in the parking lot
god provides the gasoline
while i'm making payments
buying your pamphlets
being indoctinated
faith moves mountains
we lived with jezebel
we are watching tv on the floor
she is rubbing my dick with her foot
she was always looking for a new angle

he was afraid of his shell
we took him to the mechanics
they made him breathe into a bag
electric tridents
zeroes on the clock
magic syllables
please and thank you
pinball machines
we ate at the fishmarket
and bought magazines from the cigar store
step to the center of the store
she said you aint shit
if you don't got no heat
diabolic America
freedom and oppression
free to starve

recharging batteries
no words, no sound
we bought a truckload of firewood
no furnace
music lesson
one chair
making it personal
new york kids
the meatpacker went back to wv
he asked me if it was god's will
a college scholarship
throw it away
like a fool
stick to your dandelion wine
we walked past the whore house
me and the preacher's kid
the barrel chested man with no shirt
asked us if we were looking for some pussy

iron city
kens pizza
pitchers of beer
the red faced boy orders another round
eating with the Jehova witness
he is bullshiting us about women
he buffs the floors late at night
railroad tracks
up and down 61st street
he is buying a bag of dope
devils everywhere
high fives for everyone
no more innocent arms
the muscles depend upon resistance
solitude
be born
oh, human creature
learn to crawl
learn to chew on the bone
chicken bones

she moved to arkansas
to make guns
she always wanted a good job
a factory girl
she could never say no
as i unbuttoned her shirt
one more time for jesus
she thought i was going to be a preacher
a bible junkie spreading the disease
feeding off the imbeciles
bleeding gramma's of their money
give until it hurts


they are bringing the troops home
we sat quietly by the side of the road
waving our little flags
put it in the headlines
honkytonk tickle
to calm the nerves
another beer for the road
forked creature
spinning on the pit
congress fails us again
why should we believe?
black magic language
gold making formulas
broomstick world
happy little witch
stick your reality out
wave it around in the wind
taste the dust
as the trucks roll by
patriotic highways
investing in America

sunday church

as deep as the earth
came alive in the full moon
a name is just a name
so you told me
over and over again
still I can't believe
in your revolution
in your television spots
asking for money
to build your empire
to send children to the earth
back to the swamps
to fight with the aligators
instigators and agitators
you see communists everywhere
you think your world has been stolen from you
while you were sleeping and drinking
vodka and lemonade
the needle still dripping from the spoon
and you tell us stories about your sister
while your eyes roll back into your head
i saw your demon tremble and shake
it was your fever and pitch
the whale swimming up on the beach
futility is your friend
you cover yourself in tranquility
remember to blow out the prayer candles
put a coin next to the statue of the virgin
remember that you can't wake up
you are sleep walking through life
yes, life is but a dream
shaboom, shaboom

up from their kingdom

i craned my neck
concrete footprints
stupid and exciting
raccoon praying
horse chariot earth
swing baby
finished with half a bottle
sweet Gemini
click, extra light
escape the ever
up similtaneous
no idea symmetries
television dream
dying snap
shadows cast
stone bubble blosom
utterly completely
Zeus on electric switches
needle jumping
scratch public address
blue void
microphone jacked

perdition

stood close
bangles, nose ring
as possible
breathing on me
taking me in
one atom at a time
cute and clean
college girl
she noticed me noticing
she segued
made a show of it
stomped he feet
pouted her lips
international exposure
made a pretense of her car battery
and going to work


i think she believed in sympathetic magic
wanting me to hear her speak
asking if sad ever changes colors
we burn through the haze
through the bullshit of the day
buying one more trinket for the shelf
sort and organize this life
bleed off the being
torture the psyche
we stand and stare into the future
thinking that our eyes can see clearly
yet knowing that we see
what we want
and never really taste
the truth of any matter


we stare into the fame
the diamond studded leviathan
iron wired ears
up the belly
squared jaw smile
the skull mantled captain
with a mouth of gold
a tearful song
ancient memories
bash the legs
clapped the hands
asphalt highway
brown hands and hearts
one stood silent and invisible


guru walking the silver
hulking tavern slickers
uttering a mantra
something from trailer dust
laughing grounds
bottles of the road
muddy poncho
road hump knotted
gliding fishtails
no fear dharma
blue resevoir
tiny cars misplaced
green mountain insects
space aged afternoons

smooth skinned freedom
a hanged man
hanging from the tree
backyard barbeque
beer cans and vibration
red lights and painted gate
yellow lamp dreams
metal clouds pouring'
milk and honey
dusty mailbags
chisom trail
cutthroat trout
we stopped at the architect's house
listening to the radio
adrenalin long truck
there were sunflowers
taller than Orion

calibration

dead nipple
dead Satan
notes on the floor
footprints
shells on the floor
goose steps
walkway argument
hot coffee poured in the lap

loins spool pure
traffic stop
raw seizure
bulky age
jetted street
eternal void
lost waves
jelly crawl

suspend the zealot
the nectar is pure
mantric wisdom
leap forth from the thrones
crawl off you jetted age
London jelly
impish horror
rotten hue

prick wisdom
alien cock
hollow killers
penetrates paw
traffic stop
animate slit
invisible Satan
face nectar

must street, mirage
crumpled waves
meat prophet, harmony
stark obsession, awful
velvet lust
transformed repression
fetish terror
dogma spool
raw void
beauty loins

Baba OReilly kicks down the door
contraception
want some more?
consumer empire
rolling hills
with banks and department stores
scatter the prophet
scatter the one dollar bills
poke your head through
the fetish terror

I stayed up all night
just to see you again
plain wrapper baggy
dental floss cartoons
playing on your Motorolla
impish grin
teeth so lean
a mean scratch across your chin
we defeat harmony and shadow
we play with all of the risks

the distrust of flat surfaces

the nipple and seizure,
we must have wisdom
the darkness explodes,
pounds, and craves
suck the pain and the repression
slash and touching,
as your dogma deflates
another enema alien from a forlorn age
existent paw,
impish and pure
crawl to your lust,
to the killers with loins
hollow madness lost to the distress
awful fuck, obsession spool
suspend celebration
head October
desolate Satan
velvet in the street
looking down on matter
he can live on
stylish chair
defeated and shreded
bombed out sex
nothingness consumed
dream you poke
traffic the waves
thigh slit prick horror
eternal flushed control jelly
tacos and waffles
watered down coffee
sensile
machine made
mirage spewed cock
haggard mistress
jetted pure
penetrate
harmony fetish of the dead

treastie on venture capatilism

narcissistic nipple ring
parts being absence
range rover nightmares
night holes distance
sea dipped virgins
merry-go-round

Sweet smell, AK47
bomb spewed gusts
the weatherman distrusts
insolubly magma
urgent mammalian howl
vermilion nectar

I didn't know Soho
a mind of its own
highway grass, gray brown
your white dress
you are chasing after the unknown
beating heart
the sound comes out of the speakers
did you regret your steps?
walking backwards?

the person who used to hold the rope
as you climbed up the side of the mountain
isn't there anymore
the face in the mirror has changed

you want the finishing touch
applied to your creations
to translate who you are
to others

to hell with your escape plans
puckered pantheon
enthroned and entombed
sheep dog armed, out of control
abstract nature humming
pay attention, pay your taxes
in the scrambled mind
scrambling mind

compare your finger to you toe
unrecognized on the street
spray painted imagery
distracted by the overdose
things that wouldn't fit
jarring and lunges
orchestrated
pinned down
drove

puffy monster
hungry
so alone in the darkness
I haven't left my bed in four days
living off saltines and Dr. Pepper
I have my gun, it is loaded
I shoot everyone who tries to enter my door
the bodies pile up in the door way

I hear the helicopters circling in the darkness
floodlights bath the neighborhood
flee from self
crawl out of your skin
sniper rifles and red scopes
dented in walls
hollow is thy name
no more kingdom

my brick
my wall
my forlorn face
eternal slit
my mistress of lust
with her dogma leg
dream, explode, and transform the night
and thigh, we cock deflate
infinity nipple, pure pain

awful alien obsessed
slash hunger, must walk
desolate celebration, face spewed
they fuck nectar master
catastrophe Satan, controlled disaster
the darkness touches the bombed October
enema, consume the dead
defeat suck, forlorn depression

one step

no paradigm to be shifted
no rent to collect
no dreams in your pocket
you can reroute the circuits
telepathic connections
you point your gun to the clouds
thinking heaven is against you
thinking that time will only tell
the fool from the man

you dug into the dirt
searching for the foundation
the rock you were broken on
you had scratched your initials into the lifeblood
repeating the words over and over
"pray for us sinners"

in the darkness there is light
a redemptive light
a story told deep down in your soul
about the blood and the cross
it washes over me
fills me

we do not stand alone
we are united together
by our common bonds
a thread that is so strong
a blood red thread
a small measure of hope

I have stolen your burden
placed it upon my back
to help you along your journey
we only need take, one step at a time

part of the human experience

keeping the hurt
speaking about the human
sneaking onto the field
text by the hidden ghost
she didn't mean you any harm
she covers you with her eyes
offering you a promise

 little girl
cicada shells
under the fire
toes and sand
still not dead
it is wide

stepping on pitchforks
in your vision
cigarettes and fur coats
christmas lights

keep them in the back
treat the few
trumpet sock window puppet
the curve of the road
cello all alone
on the roadside
haunting

wind
time progresses
and the spokes of romance

ignorantindifferent
blind to it all

chill out
take a break
more deals down the road
something bad happens
shout out
intimacy with the scar tissue
revel in your agony

a little shine
different lives
sharing the dope
tragedy keeps coming
this whole life
is such a big lie

feel my power
my spirit
up and down the walls
my place
the love of plastic idols
it is all so heavy

this poem has no title

i hit it on the way out, gravity pulling it down
it might break - no chance
your spinning cross, you hit it with your tennis shoe
absolute, you look green today, common people
pumping gas at the gas station on the corner, a notch in your bolt

think, getting you to think, destroy the device

I don't know it is set to go and you add so much
moving beyond simple a smiling face
cross your fingers

in the beginning - much slower - the time of our fathers
an insecure  something- waiting - not gotten their due
have you paid your dues?

great ghosts - participation - sophisticated
spoken words - Hollywood
standing in line at the car rental
bleeding into my shoes

the retinal - involved cerebral
the tide - god save - immediacy
gestalt - 15 seconds - confront
moving away - forcing yourself
Santa Monica fish

burning down the house
putting glass on it
for the light - text bill and socks
text silver eye - gone
China
the kitchen - wonderful
more text
the representatives of my bedroom
schedule a tour
take down a number

fish boxes
I have seen the piece
I know it
yes, a great piece
not seen for hours
or yours
lick the common life
lick the sweat off
vile and again absorbed
direct chat with the fire
knowing that life gets out
whiskey business
vile sheen
sunshine


sing with a solo wit
a tribute
hidden too long
for you
much larger
leaping
reaching
political and social effect
tie your shoes and wipe your nose

Look up, look down, look and reflect. reflection, illumination, the absence of light. Chalk out the outline. Draw the blood. Feel the body for a pulse. Falling trees, falling stars, we circle the wagons and shoot our guns into the darkness. There is a fear of the unknown that is solid and heartfelt. We cannot escape it.critic, white loading zone, the beeper goes off. Through the thicket of information.

old school shocker
today's headlights
staring down a deadend road
reflexive freedoms washed with your dirty socks
this is what you call America. a charge card and a plastic /jesus.
all souls are bought and sold
turn over the money tables
lets dance the blues
like romeo and juliet
across the street to see that one who can never remember your name. standing outside the scope. outside, upside-down and hanging from our toenails.
this is unofficial
this is outside the scope
lemons,
kiwi
one armed bandits only have buttons now
teach me how to gamble
how to cross the street without looking
where did you put the old hat
the one that is so good in the rain?
???
amen
the body of Christ
driven by the uncreative process
driven by the grave
driven by a hole in my shoe
downpayment
watching the late show
eight hundred miles away
the year of forgiveness
followed by the year of new crimes
dimes
a pocket full of dimes
where to buy a good cup of coffee?
the transformation of the mundane

dimes
a pocket full of dimes
where to buy a good cup of coffee?
the transformation of the mundane

dimes
a pocket full of dimes
where to buy a good cup of coffee?
the transformation of the mundane

dimes
a pocket full of dimes
where to buy a good cup of coffee?
the transformation of the mundane

dimes
a pocket full of dimes
where to buy a good cup of coffee?
the transformation of the mundane



one armed bandits only have buttons now
teach me how to gamble
how to cross the street without looking
where did you put the old hat
the one that is so good in the rain?
???
amen

buttons now
and forever more
if you be willing
scratch the itch
bang a gong
hop on one leg
baboon
bafoon
ballroom dancer
tiny dancer
microscopic dancer
a virus
a dancing virus
membrane entrance to the theater
did you vote with your head or your heart?

anonymous phone bidder, interrupted, but never broke, banners read

ok, need to walk, quiet little dance, pro-Mongolia

your drafted order, scramble, dinosaur black market

Mona Lisa akin,

offered us everything
cold spy with Detroit needle
hanging out with the final dolphin
the pages have all been turned
it is time to live those words
stop believing in silly putty slogans
it is ok to ask the hard questions
there should be answers in every world
no ufo museum sex scenes
no slaughter house confessions
take your finger off the trigger
look around you
see the light coming in through the window
this is hope whispering in your ear
there is more than your final solution
let the spirit move you
in a new direction
new feet, new fingers, new toes
put more fuel in the generator
turn up the lights so we can see in the kitchen
like a four legged evolution
supply and demand want more
attach that bullseye to the television screen
wipe the milk from your hands
curious about time
in your deathbed

fading like the wicker

I am rejecting everything
tossing handfuls out the windows
they have sewn me up
with old stitches
I am dissolving
fading like the wicker
into the other me

you have never met me before
although you think you know me well
I have stepped out of the supposed to be
into the empty and artificial
they remind me of your touch
your words that melt like wax
burning like a butler
stumbling down the street
twenty dollars at a time

you wake up in your mailbox
thinking the truth is a hoax
the way you worked me with your promises
down trusted avenues
with broken glass
broken dreams
counterfeit is my broken lip
my hands caked from hardship
to slice with a new betrayal

Willie is sawing the legs off the old dog
the bank forecloses on your love
you missed your payments
and now you are straining your god
through an old newspapar
close the door
turn out the lights
whimsical laugh
the night they drove old dixie

I sold your revolution
in the streets of Dubuque
telling the soldiers to take up arms
prepare the way
make wide the road
lay down the palms
sing sweet songs
tonight we sleep in a hollow tree

another process to be a part of
another way to see the world
to walk in the vision
combining the easy and the hard
as you spin the wheel
wondering where you left your hope

can you recognize
ugly brutes
writing off the margins
turn it down
going to hollywood
die on film
convicts
fucking cars
broken glass everywhere
there are no holes
a big fox
god damn
listen to the pieces of shit
pull over for the cop car
cat and mouse
signals
black and white memories
of the chinese theater
the crowds cheer
at the dirty sidewalk
they want to put your name there
black-hearted authority
very little room to walk on the wire
the ultimate underdog